There was a little good news in my sucky ass day today. According to a reporter on EZTV Gary Dourdan will appear in next seasons CSI and not only in a flashback. I haven’t watched the finale yet but I’m guessing it didn’t turn out so well for Warrick. The article was about Jorja Fox returning but who cares. I was sorta over her when Sarah became suicidal because Grissom wouldn’t sleep with her. I always thought Gris belonged with Lady Heather but…
And speaking of ButtBoys… OK we weren’t speaking of ButtBoys but I just wanted to say ButtBoy because I haven’t been able to call someone at my job ButtBoy because they said “they don’t like it”. Go figure. So anyhoo… speaking of ButtBoys – I was on IMDB looking to see if Isaiah Washington got a job yet. He did. I can’t wait. Then I thought I’d check what my virtual ex husband was up to (Vin Diesel) because he’s been popping up in my virtual world a lot lately.
IMDB still has him listed for Hannibal (announced) and they have down Babylon AD (completed) but I haven’t heard of a release date. They have also updated Vin’s picture gallery with stills from Babylon AD. But somewhere between Hannibal and Babylon I think my astigmatism in my right eye is acting up because I could swear that I saw Fast and the Furious listed. No, I say to myself. You were just scrolling too fast and too furious and you went too far on the page.
So what does a BBGFB do? I took a deep breath, navigated back to the top of the page and start reading Vin’s filmography again.
- Hannibal the Conqueror (2009) (announced) …. Hannibal Barca
- Rockfish (2008) (pre-production) (voice)
- Fast and Furious (2009) (filming) …. Dominic Toretto
- Babylon A.D. (2008) (completed) …. Toorop
There is was again. Fast and Furious. Now I’m thinking that IMDB is not perfect. They’ve made a mistake. I know Vin hasn’t gotten himself in such a big hole that he has to make another Fast and the Furious.
But it’s true. It even has a synopsis.
Vin! Dude! WTF???!!! I thought we were amigos. I even gave you a reach around!
I bought Saving Private Ryan, Boiler Room, Pitch Black (in DVD, VCR, Graphic Novel, soundtrack and making of book), Knockaround Guys, xXx, A Man Apart, The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay (and i don’t even own a game machine!), The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury and The Chronicles of Riddick (DVD, official soundtrack, and music inspired by the movie soundtrack).
I sat through The Pacifier and managed not to kill anyone. I praised you in Find Me Guilty and begged all my friends (who’d only seen you in Fast and the Furious and xXx) not to give up on you. I even sat through The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift because I heard you were in it for half a minute but…
Vin, dude, buddy, pal o’ mine, I have had to continuously apologize to the movie gods for not denouncing the first Fast and the Furious. I love you but that movie sucked. I didn’t throw you under a bus because as a Chicago reporter wrote… the ONLY reason for making the Fast and the Furious was to show the world how good you looked with your shirt off from EVERY angle. And did I forget to mention that I almost lost a friend over xXx (you looked pretty hot in there too). I only saved the friendship by promising to never ask him to go to see another movie with you in it. Coincidently, he has never gone to see another movie with me since.
I know I left you for Gary Dourdan but you haven’t shot anybody for almost 4 years! And even though you were REALLY great in Find Me Guilty – you weren’t as fuckable as we all know you can be. I tried to hold out when the stills of Babylon AD hit the internet but when I saw 300 I had to let you go. All those men. All those muscles. All that killing. After I finally calmed down, fanned myself and wiped the puddle out of my seat, my only thought was Why Wasn’t Vin Diesel in that Movie!.
Now I’m lost and confused. Gary Dourdan’s in rehab. Keith Hamilton Cobb can’t buy a job and he hurt my feeling when he appeared in Noah’s Arc (but I still love him anyway and bought all of those episodes on iTunes). Idris Elba was in a Zombie Movie but I was too busy getting off on the zombie’s to pay much attention to him.
In my virtual world the virtual husband market is weak. This is your chance to win me back. I know you don’t control release dates and that’s why Knockaround Guys came out after The Fast and the Furious but if you can
- Get Babylon AD released before Gary Dourdan gets out of rehab
- Make sure Gary’s character Warrick Brown dies a miserable death so I can’t get my 5 minute fix of him on CSI
- Make sure Gary Dourdan, Idris Elba, Keith Hamilton Cobb or Michael Jai White don’t get a job where they carry a gun and actually shoot somebody
If you can achieve any or all of the above, maybe, just maybe I can forgive you for whatever or whomever you did or didn’t do, that got your beautiful, talented, ass reduced to returning to the FAFT franchise.
Let me know. I’ll be checking IMDB to see your answer.