OK. So I’m on Apple’s Quicktime site watching some coming attractions, hoping to see that Vin Diesel movie that never seems to be coming out and I run into this movie called Quarantine. I’m excited while I’m pressing the link. It sounds like another disaster or end of the world movie. I love those kinds of movies.
So I wait for the movie to buffer and then I press play and then I get confused. It’s weird because I feel like I’ve seen this movie before but the movie hasn’t come out yet so how could that be possible. The trailer goes on and there are these firemen/rescue workers knocking down a door that I recognize which is weird because I haven’t seen this movie before.
The movie is made with one of those hand held camera’s (you know the kind I said I liked). There is a reporter following the firemen and they go into this apartment and there’s this lady laying on the floor in this dress that I recognize and then it hits me. I HAVE seen this movie. It’s called REC!!!!!
They remade REC with “Americans”. But the reporter isn’t a cute brunette like in REC – its some bland blonde. And the lady on the floor isn’t fat and I can’t see her panties and now I’m mad. Why the need? WTF? I would rather have seen the dubbed version of REC than to have to watch the same movie “Americanized”. I can almost understand the blond but do we really care that zombies are on Slimfast??? What next? Zombies with Veneers and breast implants?
I saw “Oldboy”. It was unbelievable. I heard some “American” has bought the rights to remake it in “Americavision”. I have to admit that I really liked “The Departed” but I was a little upset when i realized that it was “Infernal Affairs”. I loved Infernal Affairs. I love Andy Lau. I love watching Andy Lau more than I like watching Matt Damon. Nothing against Matt Damon. I think he’s a good actor, but if you gave me a choice between seeing a movie starring Andy Lau and one starring Matt Damon, well you do the math.
As a movie lover my dream is for Hollywood to come up with a good movie that is not simply a remake of a good movie that someone from another country has already made. I love Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Italian, British, Brazilian, Mexican, Spanish, Indian, Canadian, recently Thai and a few movies from a few other countries that I probably forgot to mention here. But that doesn’t mean I want to see them made over in “American”.
And while we’re on the subject of “American” movies – unless its Evil Zombie Dead 12 – I don’t want to see anymore sequel’s or prequels or “fuck you just give us your money” movies. Despite my better judgment I sat through Rocky XII. Fuck YOU if you thought you were going to get my money for Rambo XII or Raiders of the Lost Arc XII or… I’d better stop now. I’m getting upset.